Adventures in Our Home & Hearts: Reflecting on Our Journey of Joys & Sorrows in Seeking God's Will with Children

Giving God Glory
Even if God doesn't... - If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up. Daniel 3:17-18 I recently read a blog post by Ann Voskamp after the Lord called our baby home to Him - When You Just Want God To Show Up & Answer Your Prayers - which sounds a little irreverently brash... The truth in the post deeply resonated with the faith, convictions, longings, and aches of Wes' & my hearts... Here are some key truths Ann shared -

Faith is this unwavering trust in the heart of God in the hurt of here. Unwavering trust all the time though I don’t understand all the time

God is always good and we are always loved.

Loved enough to be shaped into the goodness of Christ Himself.

God’s purposes are not for me to understand His plans: His plan is for me to understand Who He is.

Maybe the hardest praying are the prayers that let go.

“And what if He doesn’t?”

What if He doesn’t — what if He doesn’t do what we plea, what we pray, what we believe He can and will do and should do?

And the three men before fire, they whisper the startling answer in Daniel, the answer of all of holy writ and writhing humanity: “And even if He doesn’t” –

Even if He doesn’t do what we beg, we are still His beloved.

Even if He doesn’t, He still is

Real prayer has eyes on Christ, not the crisis.

Even if He doesn’t – He does give enough — Himself.

Even if He doesn’t – He does still love us.

“If He doesn’t — I will still believe. Still believe — in Him.”

That which we fear might happen to us — might be the thing to produce deep faith in us. Why be afraid of anything — when He’s using everything?

God is answering all our prayers: No one enters into the real joy of the Lord in spite of the hard times —- but squarely through the door of the hard times.

God uses everything to call us out of apathy.

It might have looked different.

It was supposed to, it could have, and it may next time — yet even if He doesn’t.

What's on the Harrisons' Hearts

Reflecting on Our Journey of Joys & Sorrows in Seeking God's Will with Children - When the Lord continues to bring a specific trial in your lives (for us miscarriages), it is wise to step back, look at the big picture, and reflect on how He has been faithful, has glorified Himself, and has grown you in the journey. Here are some of my reflections on our journey of joys & sorrows in seeking God's will with children...

Our fam July 2013 - Wes (33), me (32), Noah (4), Josiah (1), & Sierra - dog (6)

Big Picture SnapShot (logistics of journey):

~ 5 years ago (2008-2009) the Lord blessed us with healthy pregnancy & delivery of Noah

~ 4 years ago (2009-2010) had 3 miscarriages within 1 year (at 6, 11, & 9 weeks)

~ 2 years ago (2011-2012) the Lord blessed us with calling us to infant domestic adoption of Josiah

~ This year (2013) miscarried at 13 weeks

Big Picture Breakdown (more details of journey):

1st Precious Baby (born 2009) - NOAH (presently 4 years old) - Trusting God in Joy

~ Healthy pregnancy with emergency cesarean delivery

~ Pregnancy filled with JOY!

~ The Lord grew us in trusting Him as we began our new adventure of parenting & growing in selflessness.

~ Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Psalm 127:3

Already waving right out of the womb! :) * Proud Daddy of Noah Randall Harrison * Precious Mommy & son snuggles

2nd Precious Baby (March 2010) - miscarried @ 6 weeks: early-on miscarriage - Trusting God with Baby

~ Miscarried early-on in the pregnancy

~ Learned how common miscarriages are and figured that we had ours and would not have any more

~ The Lord grew us in trusting Him that our baby was with Him in heaven.

~ He [David] said, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, 'Who knows, the LORD may be gracious to me, that the child may live.' But now he has died; why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him [child is in heaven where David will see him again in the future], but he will not return to me." 2 Samuel 12:22-23

Excited about the Lord blessing our family with another precious child & blessing Noah with a sibling... baby with Jesus in heaven

3rd Precious Baby (August 2010) - miscarried @ 11 weeks: uterus lining shed - Trusting God in Pain

~ Most difficult miscarriage emotionally & physically!

~ Emotionally difficult :

* "rocked us" since thought we had our "common miscarriage" but expected we would not have any more

* had a wonderful ultrasound at 11.5 weeks & were encouraged that we were practically past the "1st trimester risk of miscarriages" & then found ourselves miscarrying in the ER within 24 hours of the encouraging ultrasound

* started wrestling with the hard questions & tough, painful emotions of loss & not understanding

~ Physically difficult: physically violent miscarriage in ER

~ Genetic testing of baby showed no genetic/chromosome issue

~ The Lord grew us in trusting Him, worshiping Him, and being a witness for Him in the midst of strong emotional & physical pain.

~ Then Job arose, and tore his robe and shaved his head, and he fell to the ground and worshiped. He said, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I shall return there. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD." Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God. Job 1:20-22

Ultrasound at 11.5 weeks... baby with Jesus in heaven

4th Precious Baby (April 2011) - miscarried @ 9 weeks: no heartbeat - Trusting God When There Were No Answers

~ Tried medical measures to prevent miscarriage (baby aspirin, progesterone, etc.)

~ Had weekly ultrasounds starting as soon as knew pregnant

~ Baby's heartbeat was low at first ultrasound, & we started preparing for another miscarriage

~ No heartbeat at 9 week ultrasound

~ Grieving process drawn out & emotionally trying since my body was not miscarrying naturally

~ Wrestled with decision to pursue D&C and sensed Lord lead us to have D&C for various reasons

~ Pursued variety of basic testing (thyroid, hormones, lots of blood tests, family history) to see if the Lord was working through a medical cause for our miscarriages

~ Doctors concluded nothing wrong & that we had 65% chance of having a healthy pregnancy

~ The Lord grew us in trusting Him when there were no medical answers of a cause for our miscarriages and grew us in trusting His sovereignty: that His wisdom & ways are often higher than ours & beyond our understanding.

~ Oh the depth of the riches of both the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable His judgments and unfathomable His ways! For who has known the mind of the LORD, or who became His counselor? Or who has first given to Him that it might be paid back to Him again? For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. Amen. Romans 11:33-36

Mother's Day 2011 - 2 days after D&C... baby with Jesus in heaven

5th Precious Baby (June 2012) - adopted JOSIAH (presently 1 year old) - Trusting God in Waiting

~ After having 3 miscarriages within 1 year with no medical cause & the Lord's sovereignty being abundantly clear to us, we started praying about whether we were missing something & the Lord was trying to lead us in a different direction... adoption?

~ After several months of praying about adopting, seeking wise counsel, and researching various means of adoption as well as different adoption agencies, the Lord made it clear He was calling us to adopt.

~ November 2011, we began the infant domestic adoption process.

~ April 2012, we completed our home study and entered the waiting pool - waiting for a birthmother to choose us.

~ May 2012, a birthmother chose us; we met and confirmed the match.

~ June 2012, Josiah was born!

~ The Lord grew us in waiting upon Him - waiting for Him to give us wisdom to decide if He was calling us to adopt, waiting on Him (& working hard in the waiting) for financial provision for our adoption, waiting on Him throughout the home study process for it to be completed in His perfect timing, waiting on Him to lead a birthmother to choose us, waiting for Him to give us wisdom to discern if this was His match for us, waiting on Him for wisdom and guidance with various dynamics with our birthmother and for how to show her Christ's love, and waiting upon Him as He revealed to us throughout the adoption process His heart for adoption and how He has spiritually adopted us as His children.

~ Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ... In love He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ Himself, according to the kind intention of His will... Ephesians 1:3-5

Match meeting with our birthmother * Birthmother, Josiah, & me

Precious Josiah Rahim Harrison * Grateful big brother

6th Precious Baby (July 2013) - miscarried @ 13 weeks - labor contractions moved baby too low where could not survive - Trusting God with Hope

~ Fear sprinkled with joy occurred when we found out we were pregnant... challenging to take our thoughts captive & have hope after past 3 consecutive miscarriages

~ Sought prayer!!! for our tender hearts to trust God in this journey

~ God's peace strengthened us, & the Lord continued to remind us that our HOPE was in HIM, our hope was not in a specific outcome or result (for us in this case - a healthy baby to join our family on this earth)

~ Strong pregnancy symptoms & encouraging ultrasounds at 7, 8, & 12 weeks

~ At 13 weeks, my body began having labor contractions & significant bleeding which led us to the ER. Ultrasound showed baby's heart beating strong but that baby had moved too low where baby could not survive. Labor contractions stopped, and we were sent home to wait on the Lord to reveal His will for this precious life. We had hope that the Lord would do a miracle & move baby back up, but we also trusted whatever His will would be since He knows best. Ultrasound a couple days later showed my body was clear of baby, & we had miscarried baby at home without even realizing it since it had been so physically peaceful.

~ The Lord blessed us with opportunities to witness - to share about Him, how we were trusting Him, & the sanctity of life with staff at the ER; and to share the gospel through social media.

~ The Lord grew us in having hope in Him rather than hope in a specific outcome or result, in grieving with hope, and teaching Noah about our hope in Jesus Christ and his sibling being in heaven with Jesus.

~ This I recall to my mind; therefore I have HOPE. The LORD's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I have HOPE in Him." The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him. It is good that he waits silently for the salvation of the LORD. Lamentations 3:21-26

Celebrating 7 years of marriage & 7 weeks old baby... baby with Jesus in heaven

Key reflections on the journey

The Lord has been faithful! ~

faithful to His character - 2 Timothy 2:13
faithful to His promises - Joshua 21:45
faithful in working our trials for good - Romans 8:28
faithful in sanctifying us to be more like Christ - Romans 8:29

The Lord has glorified Himself ~

glorifying & exalting Himself in Wes', my, & Noah's hearts
giving us opportunities to glorify Him & share the gospel with many people

The Lord has grown us (& is continuing to grow us in) ~

turning to Him, trusting Him, & glorifying Him in trials - Proverbs 3:5-6
seeking our ultimate joy & satisfaction in Christ & growing our passion for Him - Philippians 3:8
worshiping the Lord for who He is, whether He gives or takes away - Job 1:20-22, Daniel 3:17-18
hoping in Jesus Christ & not in certain circumstances, results, or outcomes - Lamentations 3:21-26
humbling us & exalting Him - Psalm 8, John 3:30
longing for heaven more than ways of this world - Philippians 3:20, Matthew 6:19-21
grieving (emotionally) with hope (theologically) - 1 Thessalonians 4:13
resting & rejoicing in God's sovereignty - Job 42:2
embracing God's wisdom & ways are often higher than ours - Isaiah 55:8-9, Romans 11:33-36
experiencing God's goodness in the midst of pain & loss - Psalm 34:8
receiving God's comfort & comforting others in their trials - 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
having a greater understanding of how He has adopted us as sons & daughters - Ephesians 1:3-5
surrendering our good desires (ex. for children) to His will just as Jesus Christ did - Matthew 26:39-44
having confidence that our babies are with Jesus in heaven - 2 Samuel 12:22-23
viewing each day with our children (in the womb or on this earth) as a gift & not a guarantee - Psalm 127:3
considering trials joy (not in & of themselves) for how they grow us to be more like Christ - James 1:2-4, Romans 5:3-5 & 8:28-29, 1 Peter 1:6-9
being on guard for spiritual warfare, especially in trials, & seeking to take thoughts captive - Ephesians 6:10-17, 2 Corinthians 10:3-6
learning to be content & grateful no matter the circumstances - Philippians 4:11-13, 1 Thessalonians 5:18, Numbers 11:1-9
learning the importance of releasing our desires into God's hands so we can open our emptied hands & receive more of Christ - Philippians 3:8
growing in grasping God's faithfulness in sanctifying us & how He cares more about our sanctification than our earthly satisfaction - Philippians 1:6
rejoicing with others the Lord blesses (ex. with children) - Romans 12:15
seeking to faithfully share the gospel in & through trials - Ephesians 6:18-20

Praises & Prayer Requests

Various Loved Ones - Continued prayer for wisdom and for Christ's strength and perspective as they are in the midst of various trials (James 1:2-5).

Tache - Prayer of James 1:5 for wisdom for the doctors to determine how to help her back heal.

Aaron & Kim - Praise for how the Lord sold their home so quickly and gave Aaron the opportunity to share the gospel through the process. Praise for how the Lord enacted justice and blessed Aaron & Kim through a court hearing about their new property (farmhouse and land they bought from family).

Tami - Continued prayers for the Lord to give my dad and other loved ones His perspective and that God would heal Tami, but ultimately that His will would be done. Prayer of Galatians 5:22-23 that the fruit of the Spirit would abound in Dad's & Tami's lives during this trial.

Our Family - Praise for how the Lord has been growing us in our relationships with Him, in our faith in Him, & in sanctifying us to be more like Him.

Wes - Praise for the Lord helping Wes to be a light for Christ at work by handling conflict with some administration by talking to them about it rather than grumbling to co-workers about it. Continued prayer for Wes to continue to be a strong light and witness for Christ at work in the midst of a very spiritually dark environment and also for spiritual protection (Ephesians 6:10-20).

Christina - Praise for the Lord growing Wes and me in walking in the Spirit and not in our flesh, especially throughout this recent trial of the Lord calling our little one home to Him. Please pray James 1:5 for wisdom and discernment for Wes and me with a couple new leads in pursuing (again) a possible medical cause that the Lord may be working through with our miscarriages - that we would be wise stewards of the medical technologies the Lord has provided, and the Lord would make it clear how far He wants us to go with this.
Noah - God would graciously save him at a young age and lead him to walk with the Lord all of his days, if that be the Lord's will. Praise for the Lord answering prayers for Noah to trust the Lord with His plan for our baby (calling home to heaven with Jesus). Please pray Proverbs 3:5-6 that Noah would continue to trust the Lord, even when we do not understand His plans.
Josiah - God would graciously save him at a young age and lead him to walk with the Lord all of his days, if that be the Lord's will. Praise for the Lord providing The Resource Exchange to work with Josiah for physical therapy and for giving Wes and me wisdom in helping Josiah grow and develop. Continued prayer for the Lord to grow Josiah in his gross motor skills (ex. progressions involved with walking) in His perfect timing.

Marriage Memories

Date Night - Reliving our 1st date at Old Chicago with a continued celebration of our 7th anniversary (which was in June) thanks to a gift card given to us by a loved one :)

Family Fun

Our fam

4th of July

All ready to ride in the children's parade in Monument - Brothers * Josiah attempting to eat or chip a tooth on a small boulder

Papa & the boys

Noah cruising on his scooter

Josiah had a blast playing with his balloon & riding in our push-car

Mommy & sons having fun :)

Watching the parade & collecting candy

Showing some patriotism - Wes, Noah, & Josiah enjoyed waving their flags during the parade

Noah especially took pride in waving his flag faithfully & somewhat solemnly... maybe due to learning more about our country's flag from homeschool last month? :) * Josiah waved his flag some too ;)

Noah crashed on the way home from the parade - with snow cone in his lap ;) - Josiah, on the other hand, babbled energetically on our ride home even though he needed a nap

Annual 4th of July neighborhood block party - boys getting ready for gunnysack race

Having fun with a festive activity

Camping at Twin Lakes - 3 days & 2 nights

22 adults & 22 children - fam & friends from church

All loaded up & ready to go

Noah all excited * Josiah giving his "stare down" look ;)

God's beautiful creation * Our family's campsite

Where we ate our meals - every family was assigned to a meal with a couple other families (good system!)

Josiah's favorite part was playing with the rocks & dirt * Evidence of his attempts to eat the dirt too

One of Noah's favorite activities was night hiking / playing hide-&-seek with the other kids * Hiker Harrison

Boys' sleeping arrangements & both slept great! - Noah on air mattress * Josiah in pack-n-play

Daddy & son morning snuggling - with Sierra in the mix too ;)

Canoeing on the Twin Lakes

Noah having fun playing in the water

Enjoying a hike as a fam

Daddy & sons * All set to hit the trail

Hiking in God's amazing creation

True troopers

Hiking with friends - Blankenships * Barnetts

Colton & Noah were super excited about their giant sticks (aka. guns)

Ready to go home

Noah News

Age - 4 years old

Cute Communication -

*One of Noah's final prayers for baby was - "Thank You God that baby is in heaven having a good time with Jesus, Amen." Precious... Then Noah comments, "I bet our baby is playing with Dylan's baby." (Dylan is a neighborhood friend, and their family had a miscarriage earlier this year.) We thank the Lord for Noah's faith in Jesus!

*One of Noah's favorite baby-sitters was coming over to baby-sit the next day, and Noah likes to set out the clothes he is going to wear the night before for the following day. Noah realized that she was coming over the next day and remarks in a somewhat distressed way, "What am I going to wear?!?" ;)

*This conversation occurred right before bedtime when Wes & I were doing Noah's bedtime routine & tucking him in -

Noah - "Daddy, my head hurts..."

Wes - "Where does it hurt?"

N - "All over my head."

W - "It's probably because you're tired."

N - "I think I need a Tums."

W - "Tums are for your tummy to make your tummy feel better not your head. I want you to get a good night sleep, and we'll see how you're head is doing in the morning."

N - (apparently Noah really wanted a Tums as he completely disregarded the logic of what Wes just shared) - "So, would you please go get a Tums for me?" ;)

*Noah is really into "fast cars" and enjoys learning about which cars are fast and telling us when he sees a fast car. So, this is one of his frequent questions when we're out and about - "Is that car a fast car?"

*"When I am a Daddy, I will have a beard." Apparently in Noah's mind, if someone has a beard, then he is a Daddy. ;)

Latest Likes

Reading books together

Putting on bandaids himself (& he does a good job, even around one of his fingers)

Riding his scooter

"Pretend crashing" his scooter with a neighbor friend, Xavier

Ice cream truck - using his fun $ to get a frozen treat

Adventure side * Sweet & spunky side :)

Wes & I asked each other one morning - "Where is Noah?" Then I looked out in the paved area right off of our garage, and this is what I saw. I asked Noah what he was doing, and he responded, "Since it rained last night, I needed to wash and dry off my car." Noah has helped Daddy dry off our vehicles after washing them. It's precious to see him putting life skills of stewardship into action that have been modeled by Daddy. :)

*Video - Noah jumping that turned into galloping in the gunnysack race at our neighborhood's annual 4th of July block party

Josiah Joys

Age - 13 months old

1sts - riding in the electric jeep with Noah, riding in our hiking backpack, crawling on knees & elbows including alternating (not just "lurch crawling") - often involves crawling excitedly with objects in his hands since he crawls on his elbows ;)

Words -

mama = Mama

dada = Daddy

bruh bruh = brother

ma = milk

bah = ball

mah = more

nana = banana

Teeth - 8 (4 top & 4 bottom)

Latest Likes

Giving the "stare down" & high fives

Putting lids on plastic bottles - especially the lid for an empty red hots bottle

Pushing trucks & cars around

Feeding others food with his fingers

Balloons with ribbons

Sweet smile * Watch out for Josiah's "stare down" - he'll flash between the 2 expressions in a matter of seconds...quite entertaining ;)

Having fun with our drawer of "cleaned out bottles & other miscellaneous items"

Physical Therapy Update - Josiah was evaluated by The Resource Exchange and qualified for their services (which is a big blessing since The Resource Exchange services are free, & they come to our home for physical therapy appointments). His skills are right on track (his strong social skills were even "off the chart" on the high end) in every area other than gross motor, which he is at about a 7 month old skill level. So, we have started once a week for one hour physical therapy, and our therapist mentioned that Josiah is doing very well for having low muscle tone. She also recommended getting some orthotic support for his feet (especially his ankles) since you can see on the left foot how it turns in and is in need of extra support, which the right foot needs it too. So, these supportive orthotics are in the works, and we are hopeful that they will significantly help him to progress in his gross motor skills.

*Video - Josiah growing from "lurch crawling" to more of a wobble crawl

Bro Bonding

Noah "crawling" with Josiah ;)

Bros having a great time playing in the fort Noah made for them in the kitchen * Having a blast with head lamps

We've been enjoying "scooter riding/push-car walks" on our street or going to the park during Josiah's typically fussy time right before dinner.

Noah having fun riding his scooter with his friend * Josiah enjoys cruising in his push-car with me

Bros riding together in the jeep - Both of them thought it was great fun!

*Video - Bros cruising in the jeep

Homeschool Highlights

This month we did a Science unit study on plants.

Click on this link if interested in the FREE preschool skills/benchmarks that I use - Core Knowledge Preschool Sequence of Skills

Click on this link for a corresponding preschool book that I use - Core Knowledge: What Your Preschooler Needs to Know

Spiritual: Passages "field trip" - "Passages is a 40,000-square-foot exhibit that chronicles the remarkable story behind the most-debated, most-banned, best-selling story of all time - the Bible. Visitors to Passages experience how the biblical narrative has been passed on from ancient times to modern age."

Height comparison photo of the men in our family with biblical men - & an animal ;)

Passages contains several hands-on exhibits & a very interactive children's area - Noah had a lot of fun trying to throw bean bags into the lions' mouths * Daddy dressing Josiah up as a moose while on Noah's ark

Science: Unit study on plants - We bought all these plants from a friend for $12 * Wes & Noah planting them in our garden

The before & after - 3 tomato plants, (a jalapeno plant that Noah thought was a weed & pulled - oops), a basil plant, & 2 zucchini plants

Noah excited about one our largest zucchinis :)

More experience with the plant cycle from some seeds Noah planted back in March - Little sprouts in March * Watering his plant * Proud of his pretty flowers

Helpful charts & diagrams in the book we use - Core Knowledge: What Your Preschooler Needs to Know - Parts of a plant * Plant life cycle

Reading: We participated in our library's summer reading program

Memorable Moment of the Month

Noah's 1st Slumber Party / Sleepover - When our friends - the Allens: Sean, Marisa, Caleb (2), & Chloe (7 months) - from California came to visit for a week, we thought it would be fun for the boys - Noah and Caleb to have a "slumber party" in Noah's room. So, we got Noah's air mattress all ready for Caleb to use, and when it was bed time - actually, well past their bedtimes due to the Allen's having a flight that got in later in the evening - we did the boys' usual bedtime routine together and tucked them in their beds. We figured they would be tired and would talk a little while and then fall asleep. Boy were we wrong! These two got a renewed burst of energy and were talking, laughing, and messing around in their beds. About an hour later, Wes noticed the light on in Noah's room so he went in their room and found Noah and Caleb running around with books strewn all across the floor. After Wes talked to them and encouraged them to lay down and go to sleep, we went to bed and the next morning we found out from Sean and Marisa that they heard them for another hour or so and had to go in at one point due to Noah crying since Caleb playfully head-butted him, which had been meant to be in a fun and affectionate way. Needless to say, these boys slept in separate rooms the rest of the time the Allens stayed with us so they could get the sleep they needed. Maybe next year we'll try again... ;)